Sorry that we’re a few days late getting to this one – we were busy preparing for the important, officially-recognized federal holiday of Sir Wilfrid Laurier Day, which is a mere two days away dontcha know! – but Jim Coyle managed to puke up a pretty ridiculously over-the-top column in the Star a few days back, and we’re officially entering it into contention for the First Annual Maple Rag Awards (The Raggies??) for the most ridiculous sentence put inside an actual column in the actual still-existent industry of print newspapers. If newspapers cease to exist by the end of the year, it increases Coyle’s odds of winning!
Background information: the Ontario Provincial Liberals may or may not be adjusting their plans for a harmonized sales tax, and coffee and donuts may or may not be part of that plan… honestly, I have no idea whether or not the coffee/donut plan even passed, the writing in this column is just so hyperbolic and sensationalistic that it meanders from topic to topic, shouting nonsense at shadows like a drunk. Anyways, are you ready? Here’s what he wrote!
Only a premier and entourage who spend too much time in the chi-chi coffee houses of midtown Toronto and think nothing of paying with paper currency of large denomination for their double-skim-soy-extra-hot-half-lattes-made-from-beans-picked-by-virgins-in-the-highest-peaks-of-the-most-remote-mountain-plantations could have been so tone deaf.
Finally, someone had the courage to… uh, talk about how the Premier drinks virgin-picked coffee… in some imaginary part of “chi-chi”, “midtown Toronto” that only Jim Coyle knows about… and they pay with “paper currency” (!!) like some sort of billionaire aristocrat oil moguls… and by doing this, Jim Coyle taught us all a lesson about… sales tax?
Jim Coyle, I swear to God, if you ever string together 22 hypens in one sentence again, I’m going to cry.
It’s not the sentence, really, it’s just the fact that this article is the sort of ridiculous, populist, good ol’ Canadian boy chest-beating you’d expect in the Sun, in some editorial about hookers, or the Leafs, or kids these days.
[The whole stupid article Source: The Toronto Star]
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