The Canadian Supreme Court, an elite panel of shopping mall Santas who meet every once in a while to hold keggers and also decide what should be illegal, has come down with a landmark libel ruling! The ruling itself is way too legalese gobbledy-gook for us to take a direct stab at, but according to pretty much every newspaper comment so far, it’s a “landmark case for free speech.” And as a blog that runs on pure libel, we sure love us some free speech!

“Speech in Canada is now freer, and public debate more wide open than it ever was. The news media – and any blogger at her computer – have a new defence against defamation lawsuits, known as responsible communication in the public interest. No longer is it necessary to prove, in court, the truth of a factual statement. A diligent, fair-minded attempt to verify the truth will be enough.” -Globe&Fail

Oh HELL yes! These mall Santas in Ottawa have just given us an early Christmas present! Now we can shovel buckets of libel onto the steaming blog pile, and as long as we make a half-assed attempt to justify the truthiness of said comments, we’re home free!

In Alberta, baby is called "city pork"

In other news, Stephen Harper eats babies. We’re not being hyperbolic, we think that he actually, truly eats babies, and serves them at Conservative caucus meetings. We’re willing to stake our reputation on this groundbreaking claim. As journalists, we have done our proper research on this topic, rest assured.

Let’s just say we went to a little place called Google – heard of it? Here’s the HARD FACTS we found there:

Results 1 – 10 of about 172,000 for harper eats babies.

We’re also going to use CTV as a source on this one, and a Facebook group with about a hundred members – that’s a hundred proud, taxpaying Canadian citizens, Mr. Harper, all claiming to be aware of this practice and denouncing you for it. Honestly, as all of this evidence mounts I’m surprised that the mainstream media hasn’t been all over this. Rex Murphy, your silence speaks volumes. It took a lowly blog to uncover this factual, non-libelous story.

Your move, Mr. Prime Minister.

(Look forward to NEW, FACTUAL, NON-LIBELOUS statements in the new year! Posting may be sporadic between now and then because, come on, it’s Christmas, stop reading blogs, go be with your dumb family, get drunk, Happy Holidays)