Lord Emperor Blackburn, Conservative MP for the riding of the Death Star whose resemblance to a certain Star Wars villain is well-documented, has become the second Conservative Cabinet Minister over the last couple weeks to lose their shit at an airport over something hilariously petty!

You see, apparently Jean-Pierre Blackburn just loves tequila. He loves it so much, he apparently needs a bottle of the stuff wherever he goes. Even if he’s doing something as boring as boarding a flight, he needs his hand wrapped around the neck of some sweet, sweet Mexican hangover juice. (Before you criticize the guy, wouldn’t you enjoy the odd tipple if your boss was Stephen Harper?) As he was boarding a flight at the Ottawa airport recently, Blackburn – obviously – happened to have a bottle of tequila on him after a Mexican vacation. Now, this is blatantly against the universally-known rule that you can’t bring more than 100 mL of liquid onto a plane, and the less universally-known but more common-sense rule that it’s not a good idea to let people bring their own tequila onto airplanes. They serve it on the plane.

After being informed that he can’t blatantly violate travel restrictions just because he’s an old guy who wear nice suits, he pulled a Guergis and lost his shit. However, it’s unclear what exactly happened. Some are claiming he was just being an entitled asshole, and that he threw his weight as an MP around, threatening and berating the security guards. According to Blackburn, there was only a minor disagreement between him and security because he wanted the tequila to be poured out, and security weren’t complying. Apparently, even though security guards were willing to hold the tequila in storage for him at the Ottawa airport, the Emperor wasn’t falling for their trick, since he was convinced the guards really wanted to pound back body-shots with his precious Cuervo after their shift. Seriously, Blackburn? That was your big concern? That these highly-trained, noble airport security officials who make a decent salary are so petty and douchey they’d nick your stupid $20 liquor bottle? There’s liquor stores in Ottawa, you know.

Anyways, Blackburn is lucky he didn’t get shots from a tazer. Or that he didn’t get sent to the tequila slammer, where he’d spent the night until tequila sunrise, unless he got a friend to tequila popper him out of his cell.  Frankly, I Sauza this coming from a mile away. He won’t be getting any Patron-age appointments.

Alright, alright, I’m done.

So now we’ve got a combination of tequila, a hissy fit and someone acting like an entitled brat. An episode of Jersey Shore? Nope, Canadian politics! Let’s hear the incredibly predictable opposition response. David McGuinty (Ottawa South) licked a dash of salt off the back of his hand, made this statement, and then bit into a lemon slice:

“These two episodes now demonstrate an arrogance amongst these ministers that is simply unacceptable.”

Yeah, we know, it’s awesome! But everyone knows these stories always come in threes.

Bet now on the Ministerial Hissy Fit Betting Pool! You win if you can correctly guess the well-publicized shitstorm that will hit a Cabinet Minister within the next month. It’s like a Canadian version of Clue!

WHODUNIT: Flaherty (5:1), Nicholson (4:1), Raitt (3:1), MacKay (5:1), Day (4:1), Clement (5:1), Ambrose (2:1), Kenney (2:1), Baird (even)

IN THE: Airport (2:1), Journalist scrum (2:1), Tourist destination (3:1), Restaurant or other place minimum-wage employees can be belittled and harassed (4:1), In front of children (4:1), Secluded wilderness (6:1), Closed-door meeting that still gets reported by opposition via Twitter (5:1), In front of a police officer (3:1), Parliament (even)

WITH THE: Drunkenness (2:1), Felony-committing (4:1), Temper tantrum (even), Crying (4:1), Fistfight (6:1), High treason (7:1), Throwing feces in simian rage (10:1)

[Story: The Star - they mention the hilarious sub-text that Blackburn was afraid highly-trained airport security officers would steal his liquor like they were cash-strapped undergrads at a frat party. CBC omitted that part, shame!]