Why hello there sweetie, come on in, I just baked a pie! Oh, and told some activists to shut the fuck up.

I looked at the Toronto Star sitting at my doorstop this morning – no, no, I don’t subscribe, they just sort of give it to you sometimes, just to make the people who actually paid money to subscribe feel like tools – and there was quite the interesting headline! In bold, 72-point font usually reserved for “Japs Attack Pearl Harbor”, I was greeted with this headline:

“SHUT THE **** UP”

Had the Star finally snapped, sick of its organic-carrot-buying weaving-through-traffic-on-bicycles readership, and just wanted to scream at the newspaper’s readers in a profane rage? Nope, it was actually a direct quote from a politician. 50 Canadian Tire dollars if you can guess which party they belong to!

Tory Senator Nancy Ruth – who looks exactly like you’d imagine someone named “Nancy Ruth” would look, kind of like Don Rickles with a Mrs. Santa Claus wig – gave this helpful advice to a bunch of abortion-lovers, who’d come to Ottawa to abort some Christian fetuses using their gay marriages and marijuana, or whatever those dern’d Liberals are doing these days.

Actually, it wasn’t even a bunch of hippie protesters harassing a politician, in which case a Shawinigan handshake can be justified. Nancy was speaking to a group of friendly foreign-aid activist ladies who weren’t happy about the government not including access to safe abortions in their plan to aid women in developing countries. Nancy’s advice to these nice ladies who came to speak with her? Shut the fuck up.

Don’t you love when old people swear? It’s so uncomfortable, but awe-inspiring at the same time, when their frail, little-old-lady Golden Girls voices spit out a word like “Fuck”.

Nancy Ruth, you’re officially enshrined in the Tory Shit-Fit Hall Of Fame, where you will join Rahelena Jaffgis and Tequila Blackburn. Congratu-fucking-lations!

[Source: Star]