ANYHOW. LOOK. Unless you’re a commie pinko left-wing latte-suckin’ Star-readin’ visor-wearin’ Ovechkin-lovin’ Stalinist FRENCHMAN, you know that I’m Donald S. Cherry, NHL COACH OF THE YEAR 1976!, Bobby Orr, BOSTON Bruins, old-time hockey, boy, I tell ya I remember Stan Mikita once he says to me, he says – but look, alright.
How’re we doing for [...]

Boy, sure has been a pretty depressing failure of a week for Canada’s international image, huh? Without even getting into the public tongue-wagging from the UAE (Hey, “Camp Mirage”, there’s a top-secret base name that won’t arouse any suspicion), let’s get into our symbolic depantsing at the United Nations and our symbolic wet willy-ing in Delhi:
INSECURITY [...]

It’s Canada Day! On Canada day, people generally drink beer and then blow their fingers off with fireworks, preferably off of a dock, with the Tragically Hip playing. It’s how we celebrate our freedom!
To the south, Americans have their Independence Day this weekend, which celebrates the time aliens blew up the White House and Will [...]

Happy Victoria Day, drunken Canadians! Victoria Day is a famous holiday invented a million years ago in Olde Englande – possibly the Victorian age, I’ll Wikipedia it later – to celebrate Queen Victoria, a frumpy fat lady (note: fat for the time period, by modern standards she’d wear a size Medium at Wal-Mart) who was [...]

What’s the hottest, safest political position for Ottawa politicians to take these days? “Support our troops”? “We gotta invest in our children”? “Help out Main Street, not Wall Bay Street”? “Job creation is our priority”?
Nope! The trendy position for hot politicians who want to be seen is “I fucking love seals getting their heads smacked [...]

A new trend is sweeping the nation: contemporary music with increasingly sexist themes is being heard from coast to coast, and little is being done about it. A hit song called “O Canada”, written by Quebecois rapper Calixa Lavallee in 1880, is spreading its message of sexist hatred across the nation. This song’s vulgar message [...]

PART FIVE: I believe in the power of old white guys talking for a long time
And as John Ferguson takes to the mic, honestly, all I have to say: “WELL, YOU ASKED FOR MORE FUCKING FRENCH, YOU GOT IT!” It seems cruel to rip this guy more since everyone on the continent [...]

Before I begin my discussion of what on Earth just happened in Vancouver that 3 billion innocent people were allegedly exposed to, I’d first like to explain the term “troll”. In an online context, a troll is someone who gains pleasure from the displeasure of others. They often put painstaking hours towards creating long, elaborate [...]