Honestly, you see just as much when girls wear TNA pants

What’s the #1 fantasy of all Canadians that doesn’t involve Elisha Cuthbert wearing nothing but a hockey jersey? To have a creepy, ghost-like image of their naked body checked out by some customs officer at the airport! That’s according to a poll that shows a good three-quarters of Canadians are pretty cool about the idea of full body scanners at airports.

Two-thirds of people said they’d rather go through the body scanner than a full-body pat down. The real weirdos, though, are the 18% of people who’d rather be patted down than go through the body scanner. I guess those 18% are the conspiracy nutjobs who think their softcore nude photo is going into some government database with a direct uplink to Stephen Harper’s laptop (in other words, those 18% are average Globe&Mail commenters) but still, who on earth would rather have their sensitive parts grabbed by some dour stranger with a buzzcut instead of standing in front of a painless 7-second X-ray machine?

You'd have the same expression if your job was to look at naked photos of fat, old tourists all day.

This security blitz, in case you’ve been in an alcohol-fueled coma over the past few weeks to escape the holiday season, is a response to the Underwear Bomber, a guy who tried to blow up the bustling, important economic powerhouse that is Detroit by strapping a bomb to his nuts, but only succeeded in setting his ass on fire. (You’re not allowed to find any of this funny, by the way, because TERRORISM IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.) Anyways, this loser blowing his ass off is the reason you’re not allowed to bring magazines onto US-bound flights, why a bunch of morons are saying the US should bomb the hell out of Yemen, and why the Canadian government’s spending in the ballpark of $7.5 million on machines that take pictures of you naked.

There’s debate on exactly how naked these naked photos are. Basically, some underpaid customs officer is going to be looking at your junk. Then again, he’ll probably be looking at a lot of peoples’ junk. After the first day on the job, I’d imagine he’d be fairly desensitized to ghost-like shadows of genitalia.

The government’s gone ahead and ordered a boatload of these scanners for major airports, so if you’ve got issues with the appearance of your private bits, I’d advise a metallic jockstrap.

New customs officer pickup line: “Is that an X-ray of a banana you’re smuggling into the country in violation of the Customs Act, or are you just happy to see me?”

[Source: Globe]