Clockwise from top-left: M.P. Peter MacKay (Conservative-Central Nova); Governor General Michaelle Jean; and M.P. Shark (Aquatic Predator Party-Atlantic Ocean) enjoy the rising political popularity of seal meat

What’s the hottest, safest political position for Ottawa politicians to take these days? “Support our troops”? “We gotta invest in our children”? “Help out Main Street, not Wall Bay Street”? “Job creation is our priority”?

Nope! The trendy position for hot politicians who want to be seen is “I fucking love seals getting their heads smacked with icepicks!”

We all know that Michaelle Jean grossed out the world by swallowing down a slimy serving of seal-heart sashimi, after which Peter MacKay, never one to be left out, tried some raw seal meat of his own. Now everyone in Ottawa wants a piece of the hottest accessory of the season, a splayed-out butchered seal carcass!

Pretty much every politician in Canada’s all aboard the seal hunt bandwagon. Considering the widespread criticism of the seal hunt across the country, let alone the world, you’d think there’d be some level of disagreement about it on the Hill, but in Ottawa saying you’re pro-seal hunt is such an empty, unanimously-held sentiment it’s like saying you’re pro-Hockey. (For the record, Your MapleRag is totally down with clobberin’ some seals, but we can at least see why it might be controversial!)

So, what was on the menu at Parliament Hill at a luncheon today held by Liberal Senator Celine Hervieux-Payette? Double-smoked, bacon-wrapped seal loin in a port reduction. That dish sounded so good until you got to the “seal” part.

You see, by all accounts seal meat is pretty much like eating hot garbage. It’s a dark, dry meat that smells like rancid fish and is so tough, gamey and chewy that you need an expert chef to mask (i.e. smother in bacon) the meat’s “uniqueness” to make it edible. Not to mention, the seal’s full of fat which is apparently so vile it’s inedible, and the things are crawling with parasites (not unlike MPs themselves).

But hold the phone! Not everyone’s on-board with this edition of Fear Factor: Ottawa Edition! Liberal Senator Mac Harb is the lone voice against the seal hunt in Ottawa, which makes him a favourite whipping-boy of Conservatives. Look what was said in an internal memo to Tories from the PM’s office!

“Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff claims to support the seal hunt but is attempting to play both sides of the issue. In these challenging economic times Ignatieff’s Liberals are playing politics with Canadian families who depend on the hunt for their livelihoods.”

Oh what the fuck. Really? There’s one lousy senator in the entire Liberal party who’s anti-sealing, which is somehow Michael Ignatieff’s fault? And it somehow makes him “playing politics” to have ONE GUY – some useless senator, no less! – who has an original opinion? But hey, it’s the Tories, they can say ridiculous shit like “Michael Ignatieff doesn’t keep his senators on a leash, and therefore he kills impoverished Newfoundlanders” and get away with it, it’s not like any Liberal’s gonna grow a backbone and stand up to th-….. whaaaaa?

“Following the same logic,” a senior Ignatieff official told The Globe, “if Stephen Harper truly believed in airport security, he would have fired Helena Guergis?”

HOLY SHIT! A CHALLENGER APPEARS! Some random Liberal’s here to lay some fuckin’ SMACKDOWN!

“If Stephen Harper really believed in restraint, he would have sent Jim Flaherty walking to the Tim Hortons on Slater [Street in Ottawa, near Parliament Hill] rather than flying in a government plane to London. Should I go on?”

OH NO! NO! HE DID NOT JUST GO THERE! Whoever the fuck this Senior Official is, they’d better be dishing out ointment for all of these BURNS! YES, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO ON!

“Oh, while we’re at it,” the Ignatieff official said, “if Stephen Harper was really ‘tough on crime,’ would he not direct his Minister of Justice to contest Mr. Jaffer’s unbelievably light sentence?”

OH SHIT! HE! WENT! THERE!

Whoever this mystery Senior Official is, they have GIGANTIC SWINGING BRASS BALLS! Why is this Mystery Senior Official not Prime Minister yet?!

It’s now our goal to find out, WHO IS THE SENIOR OFFICIAL GONE WILD?

Our guess is, obviously, Cute From Behind Chick.

[Globe: PMO harpoons Liberal division on seal hunt]

[Globe: Seal on the menu for parliamentarians]

Hey, 'dja hear about this?

I was going to write a SERIOUS BUDGET RESPONSE, like everyone else’s doing, but that just wouldn’t suit our… style. Instead, here’s this.

On Monday, two older men – their hair graying, their eyes full of doe-eyed innocence – stepped back in front of the cameras with their finest suits freshly dry-cleaned, ready to return to work after a long time away from their famous desk. They’d taken a controversial break that had been panned by the media in order to get a fresh start at their job. In fact, they’re both hated by the media, and it seems most people you talk to hate them. But somewhere out there, a slight majority of the country – the quiet,  white, middle-aged, Wal-Mart shopping masses – admire this man.

One of them was Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show he abandoned. One of them was Stephen Harper returning to the Parliament he prorogued.

Yes, we’re comparing the Prime Minister to Jay Leno. This ain’t exactly The Economist you’re reading, bub.

In each case, these were beleaguered public figures who would be trying to regain public sympathy after their controversial breaks from the spotlight. Jay Leno was condemned publicly for what seemed like his bullying, nonchalant attitude towards Conan O’Brien, the man whose job he was taking, and for a series of uninspired TV spots that did nothing to apologize for, or even mention, the controversy at hand. Harper had been at the Olympics, and was publicly condemned for his bullying, nonchalant attitude towards Parliamentary procedure, and for hiding behind the Canadian flag for 2 weeks at the Olympics while failing to apologize for, or even mention, the prorogation.

All eyes were on their return, waiting to hear the material they’d prepared in their off-time. For Jay, it would be his first week back – his monologues, his interviews, his general demeanor – people needed to know that he was worthy of the Tonight Show, they wanted him to prove he still had it, that during all of this two month-long bullshit he’d been preparing material to blow us away. For Harper, it would be the throne speech and budget – two long-awaited announcements that had been stored away during prorogation, people needed to know that work had been accomplished during the vacation and needed to have their needs met by a government with shaky confidence levels.

In each case, they dropped the ball.

Jay Leno... Stephen Harper... Jayphen Leper? Fitting surname.

To call Jay Leno’s first show back “underwhelming” would be like calling a root canal without anesthetic  “less than desirable.” In his first monologue back, he plodded through material that was so stale and so far past its best-before date, even a broke college student would throw it out of their fridge.  Dick Cheney jokes, Paris Hilton jokes – tired, beaten dead horses, the type of thing you can watch without even cracking a smile, as if your cheeks muscles are atrophied and paralyzed from the same awful, predictable punchlines. But for Leno, it was safe – he was just doing what he’d always done, re-packaging the same jokes he’s told for 15 years, why the fuck should he change a routine that works when he’s the top-rated man in late night? Stephen Harper also chose to play it safe. He came out with a budget that was met with collective underwhelmed groans. He didn’t take any risks, he didn’t come out from his vacation with new, fresh material – he did what he knew, which was a budget heavy on talk of belt-tightening, nothing new for social programs or the environment or students, a few token tax cuts, a few loopholes tightened. The budget was released with a whimper, clouded by a country still wearing patriotic red-and-white Olympic goggles and a brilliant diversion in the form of the O Canada “debate”.

Of course, each man has his critics. Notably, the media loathes each of them, calling them egomaniacs and control-freaks, caricaturing them as second-rate stuffed-suits trying to fill a huge desk. They’ve also got real critics in the form of opposition who wants to take their job. There’s one guy who’s particularly a real thorn in their side – a sharp-tongued intellectual-type who gets derided himself for being too erratic, too peculiar for the mainstream.

Call him David Letterman, or call him Michael Ignatieff.

Each were brutal with their criticisms leading up to this week. Letterman lampooned Leno as a self-serving hack in a series of heartfelt monologues, all of this coming from a man who still bitterly remembers that Leno stole his job. Ignatieff was vicious in his attacks on Harper over proroguing parliament, calling him a self-serving hack with disdain for Parliament, all of this coming from a man who’s bitter that Harper still has the job he wants.

The most vicious of all of them, though, has been the third-wheel. The late-comer to the party who can risk being inflammatory and hostile since, being outside of the main two-man fray, they’ve got nothing to lose. Call him Jimmy Kimmel, or call him Jack Layton. Kimmel, you’ll remember, got so pissed-off that he decided to do an entire show as Jay Leno. The NDP, meanwhile, are letting all the attack dogs out over the budget – right now the NDP.ca website has a graphic saying that there’s $5 billion exclusively for TAX BREAKS for BANKS and BIG OIL (not true, but, meh) with a picture of some horrid old fat cat smoking a big cigar, right beside a graphic for $0 FOR FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE coupled with a picture of a kid sucking on an asthma inhaler, the implication being Stephen Harper wants to kill your asthmatic kid by somehow poisoning the air, which has nothing to do with global warming, but damn, that’s some good inflammatory rhetoric right there!

Then Gilles Duceppe is George Lopez. You’re forgiven for completely forgetting about either one’s existence. They only appeal to a minority making up about a fifth of their countries – Quebecois and American hispanics, respectively – but within that seemingly narrow demographic they do big business, which translates into bafflingly surprising results (Lopez Tonight averages 1 million+ viewers and occasionally beats shows like Kimmel and Colbert, while the Bloc somehow has 48 seats.) Anyways, no one gives a shit about what either George Lopez or Gilles Duceppe have to say.

And, uh…. I guess the Green Party is Carson Daly or something? Enough with the opposition comparisons, this is getting silly.

So what was the substance of Harper’s big comeback? It was pretty much as thin and predictable as a Leno monologue. If you look at the talking points listed on the Conservative website, it’s pretty much the equivalent of telling the same old Monica Lewinsky and OJ Simpson jokes. Job creation. Hard-working Canadians. Ignatieff’s a tax-and-spend liberal. Carbon tax. Strengthening our economy. Conservative leadership. The same ancient punchlines, told without any of the storytelling flair. The same tired gimmicks, the same joke routines, the same ba-dum-tschh! of sidekick Flaherty on drums after each joke delivery.

Let’s see how their ratings go.

-Matt

• > CROSBY CROSBY HOCKEY HOCKEY SWITZERLAND GOAL WIN SHOOTOUT CANADA CROSBY CROSBY 87 CROSBY. This is what most Canadians are currently discussing – most of them very drunk – so we’ll stick with that theme for every other bullet point.

• > Both are also carbon-based, and belong to the scientific class of “mammalian”: Hey, remember Ross Rebagliati? He’s that guy who smoked a ton of weed, then won us a gold medal in the 90s, then lost his medal, then got it back because for God’s sake, he’s a snowboarder, you IOC narcs. Anyways, he’s now a Liberal candidate in BC, and as a Godless bong-toking Monarchy-hating hippie, he’s also a favourite punching back of Tories. Also, Tories like making HIGH-LARIOUS puns about how Rebagliati is always high. Anyways, Jane Taber’s pooped out a bunch of words about how Ignatieff and Rebagliati are basically the same person. Irrefutable proof: both spent time outside of Canada, and both are hip with young people. These two vague descriptions could also describe about a million people other than Iggy and Rebaggy (another similarity: hard-to-spell names!). Justin Bieber is another person who has both travelled outside the country and is liked by young people, so we suggest the Liberals run him as a candidate in the riding of Toronto-Twitter.

• > SIDNEY CROSBY EATS SWISS CHEESE FOR BREAKFAST, AND SHITS EXCELLENCE.

• > The rumours of his death are greatly exaggerated: Gordon Lightfoot’s not dead, stop twittering it! Lightfoot now joins the illustrious ranks of other celebrities who were rumoured to be dead, like Margaret Thatcher, William Hung, Steve from Blue’s Clues, Britney Spears and Abe Vigoda. (As an aside, I’d give any organ in my body to be in a room with all of those people at once playing Twister.) Anyways, Lightfoot’s alive, so let’s all go to the bar and get more wrecked than the Edmund Fitzgerald.

• > SIDNEY CROSBY COULD WIN EVERY GOLD MEDAL IN THE OLYMPICS IF HE TRIED, BUT HE DOESN’T BECAUSE HE’S A REALLY NICE GUY. SIDNEY CROSBY COULD WIN THE MEN’S FIGURE SKATING GOLD BY STANDING PERFECTLY STILL AT CENTRE ICE AND STARING AT THE JUDGES UNTIL THEY CAVED IN.

• > Competition tighter than Charles Hamelin’s speedskating suit: Everyone’s pretty much forgotten about this silly “politics” thing recently, what with the much more exciting and attractive people competing in an obscure regional sporting event called the “Olympics”. Anyways, the Grits and Tories are just about statistically tied in the latest polls. The NDP trails with 16.5% of voters, with the Greens and Blocs hovering around 10%.

• > SIDNEY “THE SIDNEY CROSBY” CROSBY SHOOTS LIKE A SNIPER, MOVES LIKE A BALLERINA, LAYS DOWN MORE CHECKS THAN BOBBY FISCHER AND HAS MORE FINISHING MOVES THAN SUB-ZERO IN MORTAL KOMBAT.

• > And then there’s this: we remarked yesterday that Swiss curling skip Mirjam Ott and US Snowboarder Shaun White look pretty much identical. After the jump, WE’VE CREATED PROOF!

THE MAPLERAG STORE IS NOW OPEN!

There’s a very common problem sweeping our nation: people with shirts that suck. In some cases, people wander this world without even bothering to put on a t-shirt, exposing their sinful bodies to the world. It’s about time that someone has stepped up with fine, high-quality shirts relating to Canadian politics and general Canadiana.

These t-shirts are high-quality and distributed through a trusted Canadian company. And they’re also a whole lot cheaper than the crappy shirts you’d find at the Gap! If you don’t like the shirt colour/style I’ve picked out for each design, you can also customize by clicking the Design tab on the site and then picking your own apparel, like something more tank-top-like for you lady-types, and then throwing one of these designs on it!

We’re gonna be adding designs constantly, but here’s our starting 5-shirt lineup:

Wear this shirt to the club, and all the ladies will get Iggy with you!

Appropriate for the NDPer in your life, or just the moustache enthusiast!

It’s true, he craves them!

This one’s special – an actual map, 100% original to MapleRag, that shows all the Liquor Stores and Beer Stores in Toronto! (No, the SAMPLE isn’t on the real deal, it’s to stop you from stealing it. Cartography is hard!)

AND OF COURSE, Ottawa too, for all of you Parliament staffers who need to immediately buy themselves a stiff drink after their crushing workday is over! Escape bridges to Quebec are also shown, in case you want to go to the land of 30-packs of Molson Dry cans sold at Costco. (DAMN YOU, Quebec!)

BUY A SHIRT BUY A SHIRT BUY A SHIRT

Colin Le Fevre, Liberal hack, attending some sort of hippie drum-circle thing.

Everyone loves interviews, because it gives a chance to meet people, learn about their ideas, and – most importantly – it means we have to do less writing! Here’s a new feature, Ask A Party Hack, where we ask the tough questions of the day to a totally biased partisan we find! If you love the shit out of one party or another and would like to be interviewed, let us know! We’re probably gonna need a Bloc guy at some point. Hell, if you just want to pretend to be a Bloc party insider and just shout French profanity at us, we’re down with that too!

Our Liberal party hack is Colin Le Fevre, whose name is French for Colin The Fevre. He runs a website that he calls “Colin it like it is”. He actually calls it that, un-ironically and everything! He also loves him some Liberals and hates him some Stephen Harper, so we interviewed him with the HARD QUESTIONS!

MAPLE RAG: For each of the following groups of people, give one reason why Stephen Harper hates them: women, students, black people, porn stars, World of Warcraft players, Juno award-winning R&B artist Shawn Desmand.

• Women: Belinda Stronach.

• Students: Because they’re slackers without jobs, being a drain on the liberal social welfare state that Canada is.

• Black people: Because Barack Obama kept him out of the Copenhagen Accord negotiations.

• Porn stars: Because they’re godless heathens

• World of Warcraft players: He actually doesn’t. I assume that Harper was a player of whatever the 1960’s equivalent of World of Warcraft was. He sympathizes with their social awkwardness.

• Juno award-winning R&B artist Shawn Desmand: First things first, it’s “Shawn Desman,” [Son of a bitch! -ed.] but this is a really easy answer. Harper doesn’t like the non-conformist, liberal sideways mohawk he sports.

Colin's right, it DOES slant left!

MAPLERAG: If Michael Ignatieff were a car, what car would he be? What meat product would he be? What meat product would Stephen Harper be?

Iggy would be a Toyota – for the most part very dependable, but foreign made. Also seems to have a problem fixing a few big internal issues right now. In terms of meat? Filet Mingnon – classy and foreign… but the best hands down.

Harper? Well, I’m wondering why no car? You get it anyway. Harper is an old Chevette. Out of date, useless, and bankrupt (in Harper’s case, morally). Meat? Ground beef – many uses, but they’re all bad for you.

MAPLERAG: Policy Hack Test! Name the most interesting bill currently before parliament, by its real C-### name, and struggle to explain what makes it at all interesting.

What bills before parliament? There are none. Remember when Harper killed them all? When he ran away from the opposition with his tail between his legs? Yea, when he did that all the bills went away.

I guess that’s not entirely true – private member’s bills survive prorogation, [SEE, SMART GUY -ed.] so lets go with Bill C-391, the bill to repeal the gun registry. Now, this bill has essentially passed, so it doesn’t matter that much, but it’s still sort of circulating.

The jist of the bill? “Guns good, registering them bad, waste of money.” Somehow this comes from the “tough on crime” Conservatives though. Makes no sense to this Liberal hack.

MAPLERAG: It was a trick question, there’s no such thing as interesting parliament bills! Next question: who’s the hottest Canadian politician?

Nikki Ashton, hands down. Is there really any competition there?

No. There isn't.

MAPLERAG: Snooki, J-WOWW, Sammi Sweetheart, or Angelina?

Angelina for sure. She was smart enough to get the hell out of there. Although I guess she is missing out on the cash these guys seem to be making these days – which I honestly don’t understand. Seriously, who the hell wants to see these guys? They drink, fight, party, take their clothes off… wait, I finally get it…

MAPLERAG: Why should MapleRag readers (e.g. alcoholic degenerates) vote for Michael Ignatieff in the snap federal election that will be called this spring?

Seriously, why not? Harper has had his chance and in that time our international reputation as leaders has tanked out, we’ve had a huge economic downturn that has not recovered despite his “Economic Action Plan” propaganda BS, we’ve had a huge scandal relating to Afghan detainees that the Conservatives are refusing to acknowledge despite being required to by the House, they bungled the H1N1 vaccine purchases, and I could go on and on…

They have had their chance for the last 4 years, have not moved us forward at all, and in many areas have moved us backwards. Why should we keep them in? Yes, Liberal governments in the past haven’t been perfect – I will admit that, but they implement progressive policies that move us forward as a country. Harper has shown he has no ability to do this.

Harper has had his chance and has failed, it’s time to replace him with a government who will actually work for Canadians – not just themselves.

______________________

THE END! THANKS, COLIN! Come back next week when we’ll interview Stephen Harper and dare him to drink a shotglass of tabasco sauce, he totally won’t do it.

• > A purse by any other name: The Globe & Fail have continued their Pulitzer-worthy pursuit of Stockwell Day’s manpurse. In the third (!) such article about Doris’ murse, Jane Taber has bravely nailed down this story using Woodward & Bernstein-style investigative reporting. In the first mention, we learn that the Minister does indeed carry a murse, while in the breathless followup we learn just what he carries in his lady-bag: “a few legal documents, passport, wallet, small change purse, business cards and personalized note cards, mints, hand sanitizer, family photo and latest book I am reading.” (Omitted: lipstick, miniature chihuahua). Finally, in the penultimate story which will ultimately get Taber the Pulitzer, we get to see a picture of this stupid thing. JOURNALISM!

• > Prem. Williams’ Open-Heart Club Band: You’ve all heard about Danny Williams getting his heart tuned up in the States, right? And you’ve already twisted this dude’s cardiac problems into a politicized storyline about the state of Canadian healthcare, right? Good! Then we’re done here.

• > He’ll just PVR the curling, it’s better in fast forward: Obama’s not coming to our fancy little Olympics. We will get Diet Obama in the form of Joe Biden, who’ll ride the Amtrak here from Scranton and commit a bunch of Patented Biden Gaffes(tm), like pretending to be interested in luge. Hey, remember those photos that looked like George Bush was doing all this wacky drunk shit at the Olympics, being all sweaty and red-faced and holding up backwards flags and spanking volleyball players? Hah, what was WITH that guy.

• > Girl Power unseen since Sporty Spice: Harper’s new thing, his legacy, his sole and devoted cause as a head of state, is now Plight Of Women Worldwide. What, you didn’t know that? Come on, how could you not think of Harper as synonymous with the issue of women in developing countries, a topic he’s tackled all of never times. Iggy to Harper: “If you love women’s health so much, why don’t you marry it provide support for safe abortions?” Harper spokesman to Iggy: “Huh? What? HEY LOOK OVER THERE.”

Gettin' Iggy with it

As I type this, Your Honourable Leader of the Opposition His Iggyness is engaged in an online live chat! Not with the media, or a newspaper… with a Facebook group! Oh God, the political parties are becoming aware of “The Internet”! Soon it’s gonna be all, Facebook Michael Ignatieff’s Twitters On Youtube To Blog A Flickr Vlog About Social Media Network 2.0! This is all your fault, Twenty-Somethings Of Canada, for teaching your parents how to use the internet.

This whole “Canadians Against Proroguing Parliament” Facebook group has swelled to ridiculous proportions, numbering 200,000+ people (well… people, Facebook accounts of peoples’ cats, and spambots combined) at last count! The whole movement’s been grassroots – volunteer organizers, grassroots protests, unshaven bloggers ranting about the new world order – and like any rapidly-growing grassroots movement, it presents a perfect chance for a major political party to jump onboard and claim ownership! (For more, see: “Teabaggers, Republican asskissing of“) In this case, Iggy wrote a whole letter the other day to everyone in this group, showering them with praise for the noble dedication it took to… click “Accept” on the Group request they got from their crazy uncle. (Damn, can’t you remember the foregone days when Facebook was a quiet, low-tech network for University students to keep in touch? But I digress.)

Today, from 3 to 4 PM (the live chat’s ending as I type now, OH NO!) Iggy fielded all kinds of softballs from group members in an online chat! Actually, softballs is putting it a bit too harshly, this is more like Iggy was playing T-ball, the balls were already lined up for him on the tee, and there was no one in the outfield to try and make a catch.

They posted two photos of Iggy sitting at his impressively massive monitor just to prove that it was him, and not one of the thousands of clever Michael Ignatieff Impersonators roaming the streets of Ottawa.

Top: Iggy looking like a bored dweeb. Bottom: They needed 7 staff members, advisors and moderators, plus a photographer in the room, just to organize a FREAKIN' ONE-HOUR ONLINE CHAT? Your Liberal Party, ladies and gents.

Damnit, I should’ve asked Iggy if that chick who looks kinda cute from behind was single.

RECAP!

An early question from one “Brent Nellis”:

Mister Ignatieff, I will be finishing a degree in sociology next year and I am currently interested in pursuing graduate studies or working for Statistics Canada. However, the open disdain that the Conservatives have shown for science and research in the past is making me nervous about meaningful career opportunities in Canada.

Hey, maybe your SOCIOLOGY DEGREE should be making you nervous about meaningful career opportunities. HAH. Sociology, folks! Yeah, lemme just check if they’re hiring down at the Sociology Factory. (Iggy’s answer, predictably, was “We gotta invest in science, fuck Harper, he hates science”)

In response to a question about how to cope with rising tuition costs for post-secondary education:

Michael Ignatieff: You get the grades, you get to go. That needs to be our motto for higher education in Canada.

Wait, uh… bwuuhhh? So, if you have the minimum grades in high school, you get free tuition? Or… you’re doing away with programs that traditionally assist students who may not have the grades but who are accepted based on other scholarships/programs? And how does this address tuition costs rising? See, here’s a classic example of an answer that sounds catchy (Ya get the GRADES, ya get to GO! Bumperstick it, pal!) but that just bewilders anyone who tries to use it as a real answer to the question “What’re you gonna do about tuition costs”.

In response to your typical “Why don’t you like, totally just like, leeeegalize it, maaaan” questions that always comes up in these forums:

Michael Ignatieff: Liberals dont want to ruin young lives with penalties for possession, but equally we want tough penalties to remain for pushers.

Jeez, what’s not to understand? Marijuana is completely harmless, except for people you provide it, who are sub-human scum. How does this not make sense to you people? It’s all in the Liberals’ new action plan, The Green Book.

Oh hey, here’s an actual question! Someone asked about Layton pushing for anti-prorogation legislation, and hey, what’s the deal with that, Iggy?

Michael Ignatieff: Provided a Prime Minister respects Parliament and its authority, legislation isnt needed. Mr. Harper used prorogation to duck a confidence vote and to evade tough questions in the House. That;s wrong. Ive already pledged not to use prorogation that way. The problem is not the power itself, so much as its abuse. Mr. Harper has abused his power.

First of all, is there something wrong with the punctuation buttons on Iggy’s keyboard? He’s not using any apostrophes in any of the comments he wrote. He either skips them or subs in a semicolon or, more oddly, a colon. In the Leader of the Opposition’s defense, apostrophes are tricky since they’re marked as quotation marks on the keyboard, but you’d think one of the 23 staffers in the room could help him out. ANYWAYS. I think Iggy’s doing a good job of carving himself a nice middle ground here. He’s not chomping at the bit like the NDP’s trying to legislate against the concept of non-legislation, but he’s still saying a quiet “Fuck Harper”. Smooth, not ruffling any feathers. Just watchin’ those Liberal approval points keep ticking up by playing it quiet.

After they posted the first picture (seen above) in the chat, here’s the dialogue that ensued:

Michael Ignatieff: God I look terrible. Who took this picture?

[Comment From Corina Ganton]

Looking good Michael.  :)

[Comment From Maisoon Hanany]

you look fine

[Comment From Will Mooney]

Would you advocate a return to 7% on the GST in order to help trim the deficit?

Michael Ignatieff: Stephen Harper put us in deficit before the recession hit.

Michael Ignatieff: The Harper government has already announced they are raising taxes with a hefty hike to payroll taxes beginning in 2011. We think this will be a job killer.

Michael Ignatieff: As a great writer once said, rules are for people with no character. Meaning, that you need to legislate when you cant trust the people who hold power. My view is that we dont need to legislate limits on prorogation. We just need to return to the basic understanding that used to limit prerogative power, namely that you dont use it to duck tough questions in parliament and you dont use it to duck a confidence vote. harper used it this way and it was wrong, and Canadians are telling him dont ever do that again.

THIS SCANDAL IS HEREBY KNOWN AS QUOTEGATE!!!

I also love how he ends with “Canadians are telling him dont [sic] ever do that again”, as if Canadians are pretty angry at Stevey for eating all those cookies before dinner and I’d better hope he doesn’t act up that way again, or that’s a spankin’ time, mister!

To wrap up:

[Comment from Grace Noel]

Thank you Mr. Ignatieff – can we do this again?

Michael Ignatieff: Grace, we sure can. This was fun. I hope you enjoyed it too

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

Aaaand I’m spent.

[Source: This link to the chat, if it still even works]